


with you

by sciencebluefeelings



Series: with you [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Babies, Caretaking, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family Bonding, Gender Spectrum Society, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Mpreg, Night Terrors, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Original Character(s), Pon Farr, Romantic Gestures, Telepathic Bond, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:14:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25622707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sciencebluefeelings/pseuds/sciencebluefeelings
Summary: Ambassador Spock was carrying children when Jim encountered him within the snowy caverns of Delta Vega. No one was aware, including the ambassador himself.
Relationships: James T. Kirk & Leonard "Bones" McCoy & Spock, James T. Kirk/Spock Prime
Series: with you [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2046593
Comments: 22
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write an A/B/O-esque verse, but with Vulcans having only one kind of reproductive system. The rate of fertility/ability to impregnate, etc. varies between each individual Vulcan. Some are also genetically more susceptible to complications than others. I preserved the original pronouns of established characters but all Vulcans use gender neutral pronouns (they/them) unless they have chosen to use another pronoun. 
> 
> I also like thinking that Vulcan parenting is quite different from humans because of Vulcan mind bonds.

Jim wakes up feeling uneasy.

In his half-asleep, wary state, he takes in the sight of his private quarters. The blackness of space and a few scant stars can be seen through his viewport window. The hum of the ship is a quiet ambiance that fills the silence.

Jim checks the time on his clock before slipping into a loose sweatshirt and comfortable sandals. He makes a beeline out his door, down the hallway to the first place he could think to go to talk about the unsettling feeling keeping him awake.

The response from the intercom speaker takes a while to come through. “Hell, Jim. This ain’t the academy anymore. We both have alpha shift in three hours.”

Jim presses his forehead against the intercom. “If you don’t open the door, I’ll assume you wanna be left alone and I’ll go.”

The door slides open immediately. “I never said that.” Bones gestures at Jim. “Get in here.”

Jim sits heavily in Bones’ kitchen, not bothering to make a comment about the doctor's unkempt hair and beard. Bones offers a glass of water. Jim doesn't taste it, merely clutches the cold glass between his fingers.

“I'm really worried about Ambassador Spock, Bones,” Jim says.

Bones raises an eyebrow. “I’ll admit, that wasn’t what I was expecting you to wake me up for. Have you talked to him since the commencement ceremony?”

Jim has a picture he had taken that day. It’s a candid shot of Captain Spock standing next to Pike and Bones, looking as unnerved as a brand new ensign on his first assignment into space. Jim had searched for Ambassador Spock, but he couldn’t find the old man anywhere.

“I haven’t seen the ambassador since Delta Vega,” Jim says. “I know the captain had a conversation with him before the _Enterprise_ departed again. But I - I have a bad feeling.”

Captain Spock had informed Jim and Bones that Ambassador Spock’s identity had spread unexpectedly. Almost immediately after the Battle of Vulcan, Ambassador Spock was formally exiled from Vulcan society for his role as a catalyst for the destructive events of their universe.

Jim remembered the pain he had witnessed through the meld he shared with the ambassador on Delta Vega. The irrevocable damage to the _k'war'ma'khon_ \- the mental linking of all Vulcans - was an unfathomable pain that couldn’t be experienced by any human. To also be formally rejected by his own people - it's unthinkable.

Apparently the ambassador had accepted the sentence peacefully. However, instead of making the long journey to Earth or a starbase to attempt a new life in anonymity, the ambassador had chosen to remain on the outskirts of the New Vulcan civilization for unvoiced reasons Jim cannot fathom.

That was months ago. Ambassador Spock has no doubt remained completely isolated since he last spoke to his counterpart after their commencement ceremony.

Bones speaks up, his voice still rough with fatigue. “Kid, he's old but definitely not senior for a Vulcan. There's probably nothing wrong.” The doctor shrugs. “I'm sure Ambassador Spock is a busy man.” He pauses, and his voice becomes incredulous. “Jim - ? Are you crying right now?”

“What the hell?” Jim touches his own face, and is startled to feel wet trails dripping down to his chin. “I - don’t understand. I don’t feel like. . .” Jim keeps wiping at the tears, but the tears won’t stop falling.

Bones offers a box of tissues. Jim’s breath shudders as he tilts his head back, trying to quell the flow. He hears Bones ask, “Has this happened to you before?”

“No, definitely not.” The tears are stopping. Jim grimaces as he reaches for another tissue. “I think it’s over now. God. That was weird.”

Whatever Jim is about to say next is interrupted by Bones' communicator whistling. Bones startles and looks at his comm. “It’s an unknown number.”

Jim blinks through wet lashes. “Have you given your number to anyone recently?”

“Definitely not.” Bones opens his comm. “Doctor McCoy here.”

“Doctor,” rasps Ambassador Spock.

Bones freezes and Jim’s blood goes cold. Bones is expressionless but he keeps his voice soothing and controlled. “Ambassador, is that you? Are you alright?”

The ambassador’s voice is very faint. He sounds as if he has been crying. “I need your help, Doctor, please.”

Jim finds himself standing on his feet, but he remains silent. Bones’ hand is gripping the comm tightly. “What’s going on?”

“I would appreciate you providing your assistance as quickly as possible. And - please do not speak to anyone about this. Especially Mr. Kirk.”

Jim stiffens. Bones frowns. “Ambassador, I'll have to tell your counterpart why I need to go to New Vulcan.”

“Of course you must tell Captain Spock.” The ambassador lets out a shaky sigh. “But Mr. Kirk - there is no reason for the others to be involved. Do not speak to any of them about this.” The call disconnects.

Bones snaps his comm closed, and he spares one last incredulous look at Jim before they both rush out the doorway.

Jim had never set foot on Vulcan before it was obliterated from the inside out by a Romulan with a serious grudge, so he has no clue how closely New Vulcan resembles the planet it was meant to replace. One thing he can ascertain for himself: the planet is hot as hell. He’s already sweating in the twenty steps it takes for him to get from where he was beamed down to the ambassador's front door. Bones and the captain are right behind him.

Jim and Bones had gone to Captain Spock immediately to inform him about his older counterpart. It turned out the captain had been the one to provide the ambassador with the _Enterprise_ 's emergency channel number.

 _The Ambassador accepted it, although he claimed he did not foresee it being useful in the future,_ Captain Spock had said. He then promptly altered course from the Starfleet inauguration ceremony they had been expected to attend. As the ambassador's identity was technically still officially a secret, Captain Spock declared the matter classified to the disgruntled admirals and arrived at New Vulcan in hours.

Bones has discouraged Jim from joining them, but Jim knew he had to be there. Jim heard the ambassador's distress for himself. There was no way he would be able to just sit back and wait.

Captain Spock buzzes the intercom and waits. Jim's gaze wanders to the empty horizons. The house sits on the sand in complete isolation. There is no other civilization as far as the eye can see, and then some probably. The only sounds are of harsh wind and sifting sand.

The captain goes rigid. “Leonard.”

Bones takes a step forward. “You heard something?”

“Yes - no. I will override the locks and-” The captain and Jim stare as Bones swings the door open.

“It was unlocked.” Bones rushes inside.

Jim begins moving to follow him, but Captain Spock easily holds him back. “It would be preferable to give the ambassador privacy, Mr. Kirk.”

“Is he alright? What's going on?” Jim is alarmed by the sudden color flushing on the captain’s cheeks. What does he know that Jim doesn’t?

The captain’s gaze slides to Jim’s face, alarm on the edges of his expression. “There is water on your face.”

“Oh, hell.” The waterworks strike again. Jim roughly wipes at his face with his science officer uniform sleeve, wishing he’d brought tissues. “I keep fucking crying and I have no idea why. Sir.”

With his eyes still pressed to his sleeve, Jim hears Bones coming back out of the house. “Jim.” Jim looks up with wide eyes as Bones grabs his shoulders. “Wait right here, but don't go into the house. If you need something from the ship, ask someone to bring it for you. Captain. . .” Bones murmurs something into the Vulcan’s ear, and the captain nods once before disappearing into the house.

Bones is almost out of hearing range but Jim hears him before he beams up. “Nurse Gaila, I need you to beam down to our coordinates with labor and birth tools. Tell M'Benga to prepare for a postnatal examination immediately.”

. . . _Birth? Postnatal?_ Suddenly everything feels distant. Jim feels a strange, disconnected numbness as he watches Bones disappear in light and particles.

What the hell is going on in the ambassador’s house?

Jim watches in a daze as Gaila and Bones return back to the ground and into the house armed with equipment, eventually followed by M’Benga. Jim’s lost strength in his legs and he sits on the doorstep in bafflement.

Time drags by. Jim’s tears have stopped and long been dried by the harsh Vulcan wind. Jim strains to hear what’s going on inside the house, but there’s nothing. The setting sun is beginning to cast blue shadows all over the desert and house walls, but Jim stays alert, patiently waiting - for what exactly, he’s not sure. He just knows he needs to be here and ready.

The door slides open and Bones steps out, his dark circles more prominent than usual. “You’re still here,” he says, startled.

Jim hauls himself to his feet. “What’s that supposed to mean? You asked me to stay.”

“That’s right - I did.” Bones shakes his head slightly, hesitating. “Jim - the ambassador is giving you permission to come in.” Jim silently follows Bones inside, taking off his shoes and adding them to the mess of footwear at the shoe rack. The house is only slightly unkempt, but the disorganization is alarming to look at nonetheless. Jim’s seen the captain’s quarters. He knows how Vulcans usually tidy their space.

The sounds of equipment and voices grow as Bones leads Jim down a hallway into a bedroom. The tang of milk and Vulcan blood permeates the air. The captain is sitting in a chair near the entrance, facing the bed. Jim can't help staring at the replicated birthing stool in a corner of the room.

M’Benga is speaking. “You need to go into a healing trance, Ambassador.”

“I cannot. I find myself unable to.”

Jim reacts to the ambassador’s weak voice instantly. He navigates around the IV pole to approach the bedside. The ambassador lies back on the cushion of pillows, and his body above the edge of the blanket is bare and vulnerable. His hair has grown out, wavy and slightly disheveled. He’s holding a bundle to his hairless chest.

“Jim.” Ambassador Spock stares up at Jim, eyes wide and dark. The bundle squirms and cries out weakly, and Jim suddenly knows with startling conviction what that bundle is and what he needs to do.

Then Gaila is barring Jim from moving any closer and Jim realizes he had rushed forward. The baby cries louder. “They need me,” Jim says. “Let me hold them.”

Gaila’s gaze wavers from him to Bones and Ambassador Spock, who look just as mystified. Jim holds back a frustrated noise. “They’ve been calling out to me, I know it.”

Bones looks at the ambassador, who is focused on Jim. His brow is furrowed. “I do not understand - you are correct. The child seeks your mind.” Spock nods up at Bones.

Bones holds out a disinfectant wand. “Jacket off.”

Jim removes his jacket and sits on the bed close to Spock. He holds out his arms for Bones to disinfect, and once Bones is satisfied, Jim inches closer to Spock. Spock cautiously offers the newborn, and the moment Jim cradles them, he feels something slip into his mind and probe about with feather light touch. The newborn’s fussing ceases immediately.

Jim stares in awe as the tiny, wrinkled face winces at him, blinking with tiny, dark eyes. They have a full head of soft brown hair and Vulcan eyebrows. Jim's never seen anything so cute.

Galia’s voice is hushed. “They look so small in your arms.”

They definitely _feel_ small. God. Jim looks at Spock, and from their proximity he can see that his forehead is drenched in sweat. Jim sees the weary expression on Spock’s face as he looks at the newborn, and Jim’s chest suddenly feels tight.

The newborn pokes mentally at Jim again, and Jim cautiously returns the gesture. Jim can feel the newborn's content through the mental bond, knowing they are safe in Jim's arms.

The ambassador is focused on Bones now. His voice is soft. “Doctor?”

Bones bites his lip. “I’m sorry, Ambassador. It was as you suspected.”

The ambassador’s eyes slide closed. “So be it.”

Jim looks at the captain in confusion, but he just shakes his head slightly. Bones sighs. “I know you’re concerned about your baby, but right now the one who is most at risk is you, especially because you’re not going into a healing trance.”

Spock remains silent, looking down at the newborn in Jim’s careful embrace. Jim finds himself moving closer to Spock again, cradling the newborn gingerly.

“Doctor.” Gaila strides over with a glower, holding out a comm.

Bones takes the comm. “If this is who I think it is, I’m gonna hang up on them.”

“To do so would could be misconstrued as a misdemeanor, Doctor, or worse.” The ambassador leans back on his pillows. “Accept the call.”

Bones makes a displeased sound and presses a button. “ _Ambassador Spock,_ ” comes the voice. “ _This is the Vulcan Council calling due to an urgent matter._ ”

Spock squeezes his eyes shut as the captain stands. “This is Captain Spock of the starship _Enterprise,_ ” he says, a hint of a challenge in his words. “Council member, the ambassador is not able to contact you at this moment.”

The council member plows forward. “ _We congratulate the ambassador, but we must also remind him that legally he has been exiled from the community. His children have been born on New Vulcan soil, therefore they are Vulcan citizens and no longer under the jurisdiction of the ambassador._ ”

M’Benga flinches, and Captain Spock goes still. “Who informed you?”

“ _We knew the_ Enterprise _would not arrive at New Vulcan without reason. We intercepted the Ambassador’s call through the emergency channel. Furthermore, your medical instruments were connected to our databases. We decided the situation was relevant to our interests and read the information_.” Jim glances at Spock. He looks terrified.

Gaila bites back a curse. “This is a gross invasion of privacy upon the ambassador’s affairs.”

“ _He does not share the rights of a citizen,_ ” is the curt reply. “ _All three children belong to us, now._ ”

M’Benga and Bones exchange glances. The captain falls silent. Jim feels the weight of the single child in his arms and suddenly feels sick to his stomach. The ambassador clears his throat. “It’s alright, Doctor. I shall inform them myself.” Spock glares at the ceiling, exhausted with sweat still glimmering on his forehead. “There were three births, but only the first survived.”

The call falls silent for a moment. “ _Whether it is a single child or three has no bearing on the situation. They will without question be in a better environment under our care. The child shall be transferred to the Vulcan community tonight._ ”

“No,” Jim says, the anger in his voice startling himself.

“ _Pardon, may I ask who this is?_ ”

Jim doesn’t speak above a normal talking voice, infuriated but not wanting to scare the newborn. “I am James T. Kirk, a science officer aboard the starship _Enterprise_ , and no, you’re not taking my fiance's child because my fiance and I are getting married today, and this child is mine just as much as they are his.”

Spock’s eyes flicker to Jim in disbelief. Jim keeps speaking. “According to Starfleet General Order 27, no member of Starfleet shall be required to undergo extended separation from his family if the family members can be reasonably provided for aboard the Starfleet member’s ship. Captain, can the ambassador and his child be reasonably provided for aboard the _Enterprise_?”

“Unquestionably,” Captain Spock says immediately. “We would be pleased to accommodate them.”

Jim nods. “Thank you, Captain. This change in our relationship has been long overdue, but I suppose now is as good of a time as any.”

The council member’s voice is sour. “ _This is an unexpected development, Mr. Kirk. One may even say suspiciously convenient._ ”

M’Benga speaks up. “Not really. I’ve witnessed Jim on a call with the ambassador only once, and it was the last time I ever made that mistake. He’s disgustingly sappy.”

Gaila chimes in. “Spock is all Jim will talk about when we share lunch breaks. You’d think he’d grow tired of it at some point, but it’s the clearest example of infatuation I’ve seen in a long time.”

Bones scowls. “So there you have it, Council member. Refrain from unnecessary calls in the future to my patients still in recovery. I’m hanging up now.”

“ _We will send a healer to confirm the existence of your child’s bond,_ ” the council member says before ending the call. The following silence is filled with the sounds of medical machinery.

Jim bites his lip. “Captain, you’d better get started on that legal documentation. Who knows when those Vulcans will get here.”

Ambassador Spock has a hand pressed over his face. “Jim, what have you done? If they ask us to show proof through a genuine bond, we will be unable to present it to them. I cannot sense a connection from their mind to yours.”

“But we’re bonded,” Jim argues. “Your child and I. It’s there, I can feel them in my head.”

“Simply because the child seeks your mind does not mean they share a bond.” Spock sounds unsure of his own words as he brings one broad hand up to Jim’s meld points. Jim waits for the feeling of intrusion, but there is none.

“This - is unprecedented.” The ambassador withdraws his hand. “Typically there will be an interconnection of minds within the family, but somehow there are two separate connections, one with my mind to the child’s and another with your mind to the child’s.”

“But how did the bond even form in the first place,” Bones says, bewildered.

Jim and Ambassador Spock exchange glances, and Jim knows with certainty the only moment such a connection could’ve been formed - the meld on Delta Vega.

Jim feels a pressure on the edge of the bond, and he motions to Spock to take the newborn again. Spock takes the newborn back with gentle hands, arranging them to his chest once more. It looks like the baby is falling asleep.

Gaila and M’Benga finish cleaning up the equipment and head back to the _Enterprise_ while Captain Spock and Bones wait in the living room to meet the Council member. Jim stays with Spock, watching him cradle his child. Jim thinks about the first time he saw Ambassador Spock on Delta Vega, the grief he had seen in the ambassador's eyes that day. The ambassador would have been carrying his children inside him at that time. It’s a dizzying thought.

The ambassador closes his eyes. “You did not have to sacrifice yourself for myself, Jim. The Council speaks the truth. They are indeed more qualified to care for the newborn, and if the child were to stay within the Vulcan society, they would be less susceptible to a lifetime of ostracization due to their parentage.”

“I’m sorry if you’re not satisfied with what I can offer you,” Jim says helplessly.

Spock’s face falls. “I never intended for you to perceive the situation in that way.” A trembling hand comes up to stroke the side of Jim’s face, but Jim doesn’t break his gaze. “You need not go to such lengths for me.”

Jim huffs. “I’m not gonna sit by and let those assholes steal your child.”

Jim watches Spock’s resolve crumble. “If there is someone you truly love - if you were desiring a more traditional union. . .”

Jim rests a hand on Spock’s leg. “I never was interested in a ceremony. Always thought they were unnecessary. And I wouldn’t mind living with you, Ambassador. And your baby.” Jim hesitates. “You'll have to live with us on the _Enterprise_ , though. I hope you don't mind that too much.”

Spock’s hand falls to Jim’s, and the gratitude in his voice overflows. “Thank you, Jim.”

Jim squeezes Spock’s hand once. “We’re here for you, Ambassador. Even if you think you can’t ask them for any favors, at least let me help. Alright?”

Spock’s hand rests over the newborn’s back. “Yes,” he agrees.

Jim nods. “Good.” He hopes Spock will at least take a nap, but Spock stays awake until the Council member arrives to test Jim’s bond.

The Council member frowns as they touch their fingers to Jim and the sleeping baby’s temple. “You have no mating bond, Mr. Kirk.”

Jim glares, but Bones beats him to it. “You came here to check for a parental bond, you found it.”

The Council member takes out a PADD and stylus. “The child’s name?”

“We are not registering the child as a Vulcan citizen,” Ambassador Spock says wearily. “My fiance isn’t obligated to inform you.”

The Council member finishes up some forms, but there isn’t much more they can do to delay their departure. Jim and the baby have a bond, and the Starfleet documentation of Jim and Ambassador Spock’s union is complete. The Council member leaves with one last dubious glance at them.

Captain Spock immediately orders for them all to be beamed up to the medical bay where Ambassador Spock and the newborn can rest under Bones and Doctor M’Benga’s careful monitoring. Captain Spock arranges for Jim and the ambassador to move into one of the larger living spaces, where it would be big enough for three people. Jim busies himself with rearranging the new living quarters to make it as comfortable for his new family.

 _Family_. The word is still strange to think about. Jim has managed to stay calm this entire time, but truthfully, he’s a nervous wreck.

In his mind meld with the ambassador on Delta Vega, he had seen his own counterpart of the ambassador’s universe. That man’s father had never died. From what Jim had seen, that man had been a far more noble, confident and generous person than Jim could ever dream to be. A literal golden boy. The relationship he had shared with Ambassador Spock had been a simple one of trust and friendship and professional obedience. However, Ambassador Spock’s feelings for that reality’s Kirk had not been so clear cut.

Jim himself - he doesn’t know what to make of his feelings for Ambassador Spock. He’s not the first choice Jim would’ve had for a partner, much less a lifelong husband. Jim’s never been attracted to greying hair and worn skin before, and he doesn’t foresee it changing anytime soon. But at the same time, there’s something about the Vulcan that Jim is drawn to. Jim could blame the emotional transference of the mind meld, but he can’t deny that he was riveted to Spock’s quiet air of concern and trust as they sat together at the campfire moments before the meld.

Shit. . . Spock could’ve had someone so much better fake marrying him and sweeping him off his feet, someone like the Kirk of the ambassador's universe. Jim knows his track record with relationships. They burst to life like gasoline to a flame, and then they end quickly in a terrific mess. Spock doesn’t deserve to be hurt and discarded like that. He should be in a safe environment to focus on raising his child.

God, and then there’s the whole factor of the baby themself. Jim is still amazed that the baby was able to reach out and bond with him while inside of Spock. Jim is already at a disadvantage, not knowing about how to deal with Vulcan bonds. Jim’s never been good with small children or babies. He is so afraid of hurting the infant somehow, or scarring them for life. How did Jim ever think he could cohabitate with the ambassador and his child? What if the child grows up and hates Jim forever? What would Spock think of Jim?

Through all these floating concerns, a single piercing curiosity burns - who was the other parent? The ambassador was already pregnant during the Battle of Vulcan, which meant the other parent could not have been from this universe. Jim doesn’t know much about what happened to Ambassador Spock between the time the friends of his universe all passed away and the instant he and the Romulans were transported back into the past. What he does know is that Captain Spock is also half-human, half-Vulcan but cannot have children, although he does have the ability to impregnate (it was a lot of drinking and a strange night of party games when Jim learned about it).

Jim would never outright ask the ambassador who the other parent is. It remains his choice to inform Jim or not, but the question lingers.

Jim finishes storing oversized sanitary napkins in a cabinet inside the bathroom within easy reach, then goes back out to the living room to consider the arrangement of the furniture again.

Bones has already let Jim know which room Spock and the baby are in, so Jim decides to go visit them before looking for food. There is no intercom, so Jim knocks softly before cracking open the door. Ambassador Spock rests on the bed wearing wire frame glasses and a soft robe. He is nursing the newborn on his side. Jim begins to slowly back out of the room, intending to give him privacy.

“Jim, please stay.” Jim startles at the ambassador's voice. The ambassador keeps his gaze affixed on Jim, so he wordlessly enters and shuts the door behind him.

Spock doesn't relax until Jim is sitting on the bedside next to him. “Being aware of your presence nearby provides security.” Spock's voice becomes slightly sheepish. “I am under the impression that it is some remnant of the instinct to remain alert of one’s surroundings to protect the offspring.”

“And when I’m here, you don’t need to divide your attention towards your surroundings.” Jim nods. “Got it. Don't worry, I'm happy to be here, Ambassador.”

Spock tilts his body a little so that Jim can get a closer look at the newborn. The tiny infant is warmly dressed, and the fabric looks similar to the material of Spock's soft robe.

The infant detaches from the slightly swollen nipple and Spock sits up to bring the baby up to his shoulder. “Do Vulcan babies need to be burped?” Jim wonders aloud.

“No, however this child still has my human blood. I will take no chances.” Spock patiently pats the baby’s back.

Jim waits until Spock has finally put the baby in the tiny cot next to the hospital bed. “Do you need anything, Ambassador? Water?”

Spock blinks at Jim, readjusting his robe. “Oh - thank you, Jim. Water will be sufficient.”

“You sure? It's almost dinnertime, you should eat something.”

“I do not need to eat at this time.”

Jim retrieves a cup of water for Spock and carefully watches him drink it all. Jim dares to reach out and smooth his hands over Spock’s shoulders. Spock leans into his touch, and Jim takes it as permission to massage his taut muscle, feeling his curves under the soft sleep gown. “Can you try to get some rest now?”

Spock takes a deep breath and removes Jim's hands from his shoulders. He turns to face him. “Jim, I appreciate your generosity, but we are both well aware the circumstances were the only cause for this union. Therefore, I would like to arrange an agreement.”

“Okay,” Jim says warily.

“In six months, you may consider yourself relieved of your responsibility. I believe it is a fair amount of time. The timeframe is extensive enough that the Council cannot retract their relinquished claims on my child, and it will not be long enough to form deep psi attachments between yourself and the child.”

Spock avoids eye contact with Jim. “During this time, I request that you remain physically and emotionally present for the child, according to your best judgement. In return, we shall treat our martial union as an open relationship. You may pursue any relationships, sexual or romantic, without fear of intrusion from myself. I hope you find this acceptable.”

“That seems fair,” is all Jim can think to say.

Spock looks satisfied. Jim keeps his gaze on the newborn as they sleep. Spock's voice becomes very different. “The Jim Kirk of my universe doted on children, but he did not care for becoming a husband and parent.”

Jim doesn’t know what to say about that. He can’t exactly deny that the comparison matches with himself. But it's surprising that the other Kirk wasn't interested in having a family.

“I was unsure whether to receive an abortion or not,” Spock admits. “I never thought such a situation would arise in which I had to make such a decision. I did not know I was carrying children until I felt acute morning sickness and the beginnings of familial bonds forming within me.” Spock falls silent.

Jim looks at the baby’s sweet, tiny face, peaceful in repose. “What made you change your mind?”

“I wanted to make a decision after the children were born.” Spock's fingers play with the edge of his robe. “The child will endure much hardship because of my decision. It is a selfish one.”

Jim scowls at Spock. “Don’t say that. You’ll be a good parent.”

Spock lies down next to the cot, facing the newborn. His voice is quiet. “Thank you, Jim. I hope to be so.”

Jim moves closer to them. “What is the child’s name?”

Spock’s voice brims with affection. “Halu.”

“Halu,” Jim repeats. Something in his chest feels warm, trying the baby’s name on his tongue. “Halu. It sounds nice.”


	2. Chapter 2

Jim exits the hospital room after Spock falls asleep, not wanting to disturb him. He looks at his comm and belatedly realizes he had received a message from Captain Spock inviting him to dinner with him and Bones. Jim goes to the captain's quarters and sits at the dining room table as Captain Spock and Bones set the table.

“It is to congratulate you on your union,” Spock says. Jim thanks them and goes through the motions of picking food up with his chopsticks and placing morsels into his mouth. In the end he ends up watching his superiors eat dinner. The food is delicious but he has no appetite.

They finish eating and Jim helps them clear the plates and utensils. Bones is frowning as he rinses the dishes placed into the sink. “That bastard got hella lucky. I'm going to guess the ambassador had been expecting to give birth completely alone before realizing he needed help. Didn't he know how dangerous that could've been, especially for a Vulcan his age?”

Captain Spock's tone is short. “Considering the _outstanding_ relationship demonstrated between him and the Vulcan community, I do not fault him for avoiding the local hospitals. I suspect they would have seized his children immediately, and the ambassador would have been unable to do anything about it.” Jim is surprised at his vitriol. It's a show of just how upset the captain is - he rarely lets his emotions show.

Jim suddenly remembers the two times he had burst into tears. Had it been Halu's siblings? Jim wonders if it had been the result of Halu reacting to the loss of their familial bonds.

Bones sighs. “Guess we should be thankful he called. And that you had enough foresight to give him the communication number.”

Suddenly the bond in Jim's mind tenses. Jim can sense something off at this very moment, and he freezes in place.

“Jim?” Bones reaches for Jim's shoulder.

“Baby’s calling through the bond. I gotta go. Goodnight, Captain.” Jim pats Bones. “I'll chat with you later.” Jim hurries down the hallways, making his way to the hospital room. He enters the darkened room silently and sees Spock asleep, looking just as he had left him. Halu is wriggling slightly in the cot, and the silent but indisputable mental crying escalates.

Jim rushes to Halu, and the crying stops nearly instantly as Halu stares up at Jim. Halu had been so loud in Jim's mind - it's strange how Spock was left unbothered. Jim eases to sit next to the cot, extending his fingers. “Hi, Halu. Were you looking for me?”

Tiny fingers grasp at Jim's hand. It's a strange feeling, looking at the perfect miniature digits and fingernails touching him. And they've been made with Spock's own blood.

There's a knock on the door and M’Benga slips in. Spock startles awake and Jim flinches. “Jim,” Spock breathes. “I didn't hear you enter.”

“Halu was calling to me. I think they just wanted some attention.”

Jim smiles up at M'Benga, who returns the gesture as he crosses the room. “Sorry to wake you, Ambassador. Jim, do you know how to give a baby a sponge bath?”

“No. Are you here to teach me?”

“Yes, I am.” M'Benga lifts Halu from the cot with ease.

Spock frowns. “Doctor, if-”

“No,” M’Benga says gently but with an edge. “You stay here. Rest, Ambassador.” Jim is relieved to see Spock lean back in the pillows, albeit with a disgruntled look. He might've resisted against Bones longer, but there was no talking back to M'Benga.

M'Benga and Jim go to the bathroom together, and M'Benga had already brought the supplies and increased the room temperature. M'Benga demonstrates while Jim watches closely. “Make sure that the body wash you're using is a mild one for babies, so that you don't dry baby's skin out over time.” Once the bath is complete, Jim dries Halu and M'Benga guides Jim's ginger moments as Jim puts on the clean diaper.

M’Benga helps Jim dress Halu, and they’re finished. The entire process takes much shorter than expected. “That wasn't so bad, was it, Halu?” Jim nuzzles Halu and kisses their tummy. His jaw drops. “M'Benga, did you just see that?”

“I can still see it,” M'Benga says in amusement.

Jim grasps Halu's two hands between his fingers. “You're smiling, Halu? Is that a smile? You’re so _cute_.” The bond resonates and Jim needs to suppress the desire to laugh aloud.

M'Benga grins as he sets aside some of the supplies. “Do you want to carry Halu back, Jim?” M'Benga corrects Jim's grip, showing him how to support Halu's head and neck.

“Thanks, Doctor.” Jim yawns. “Okay, baby. Let's go back to your _sa'mekh_. I'm sure he misses you already.”

The day finally arrives for Spock to be released from medical bay.

Bones is helping them mark their calendars. “These are the dates you’ll visit us again - on day three, between seven and fourteen days, and four to six weeks later. During the sixth week visit the baby will be immunized. I don’t think there will be any problems. They're on the small side, but Vulcan children have efficient and hardy bodies even from birth for optimal survival.”

“Thank you, Doctor.” Ambassador Spock's voice is grateful. Jim's nervous smile begins to fade. Spock keeps staring at Bones while Bones is focused on the PADD, and they're standing awfully close to each other. Jim nudges Spock the best he can while holding Halu. “Let's go, Spock.”

“Yes.” Spock follows as Bones waves them off. Jim's nervousness returns. It's Spock and Halu's first day moving in. They had never seen the space beforehand.

Jim inputs their code and opens the door. “I turned off the universal translator like you requested. Temperature's already set up, too.”

“Excellent. Thank you, Jim.” Spock's voice already sounds different, fuller and rich as it intonates each word of Standard. Jim waits anxiously as Spock stops in the middle of the main space and stares. Jim watches him turn all the way around, looking at the newly furbished space. It's cozy but not too cramped, childproofed and free of anything that could be potentially hazardous. There is a simple pen and mat with a few new infant toys in a basket.

Spock looks through the kitchen space, with safety locked cabinets and dangerous items moved up out of reach. The stovetop knobs are covered and there are mats to prevent slipping.

Spock walks back to Jim and Halu. He has a dimple on his cheek. “Jim, you did all of this?”

He's smiling. Spock has a dimple on his cheek when he smiles. “Yes,” Jim says, his heart thudding in his ribcage.

Spock wraps a hand around Jim’s side. “Thank you, Jim.” Spock kisses Halu and murmurs something Jim doesn't understand. “Right, Halu?” Spock looks at Jim again with sparkling eyes. “We will be very happy here, because Jim made such a wonderful residence for us.”

Jim laughs shyly. “It's the least I could do, really. Spock, I made vegetable stew for us. I'll reheat it, why don't you rest here while you wait.” Jim guides Spock to sit on the couch and passes Halu to him. “Do you need a blanket? I'll bring a blanket.”

Spock blinks as Jim drapes a light blanket over his knees, tucking him in. “I appreciate this very much, Jim, but please do not feel obligated to perform such extravagance.”

Jim pretends he didn't hear. “I'll go heat that soup up.” He goes into the kitchen, hiding a slight glower. _Extravagance?_ Spock had just given _birth_ , not to mention he'd been expecting to be completely alone the entire time. He needs to be showered in affection, dammit. Jim is nowhere near spoiling him like Spock is implying.

When the stew is heated through, Jim faintly hears Spock speaking. Jim inches closer to the hallway. He sees Spock looking down at Halu lying in his lap, and Halu is making happy baby noises as he speaks. Halu is trying to reach for Spock's meld points and missing his face entirely.

Spock chuckles as he speaks. “ _Sa’mekh,_ Halu. Hm? _Sah. Mekh_.” Then Spock says something in Vulcan that Jim doesn’t understand. Halu makes a sound again.

Jim hesitates a moment longer before speaking up. “Spock, dinner is ready.”

Spock looks up. “I will be there soon.”

Jim stirs the pot as Spock makes his way over while carrying Halu over one shoulder. “Wait, Spock.” Jim blows on the stew and offers the spoonful. “Is it too salty? Too sweet?”

Spock tastes and hums. “It is very good, Jim.”

Jim relaxes. The rest of dinner is quiet. Jim finishes eating his bowl of food first, then takes Halu from Spock to allow him to eat more freely.

Unfortunately Halu begins fussing before Spock finishes eating and Spock is forced to take them back. “It is fine,” Spock says, holding Halu as they calm down. “I am not particularly hungry.”

Jim takes Spock’s spoon and holds it in front of his mouth. “Ah.”

A brilliant blush colors Spock’s cheeks and ears, and Jim watches in fascination. Spock finally takes the offered stew, and that’s how he finishes his meal, with Jim feeding him. Spock looks incredibly pleased by the gesture, and Jim takes careful note of it.

Jim cleans up their meal and stores the rest of the stew as Spock nurses Halu in their bedroom. Jim wonders if Spock will mention anything about the choice of one larger bed rather than two separate ones, but Spock doesn’t say anything.

Jim waits for Spock to put Halu in the cot. “Why don’t you shower first? I’ll watch Halu.” Spock nods gratefully and slips into their bathroom with a change of clothing.

Jim lifts Halu from the cot, feeling them touching his mind. He plays with Halu for some time like that, exploring the mental bond between them. Occasionally Halu will wriggle with delight as Jim holds them.

Spock returns and Jim takes his place in the bathroom, rapidly cleaning himself for sleep. He resolutely tries not to think about how he’ll be lying on the same mattress as Spock. It was his own choice, why is he this nervous?

Jim hesitates on whether to go to sleep shirtless or not, and finally decides on wearing a thin tank top before exiting the bathroom. Halu is drooping in Spock’s grasp, and Spock puts them to sleep in the cot next to his side of the bed.

“Computer, lights at ten percent,” Spock whispers as he lies down. “Goodnight, Jim.”

“Goodnight, Spock.” Jim slips into bed, easing under the covers. He’s not sleepy yet, it’s much too early for that.

Jim waits until he’s certain Spock has fallen asleep before locating his PADD, adjusting the brightness to its lowest setting and switching to nighttime mode. It takes him a while to locate what he’s looking for, but he downloads an application and opens it: _Vulcan 101 for Thai speakers_.

It’s a relief that the curriculum exists for his native language. Vulcan to Standard would be way too much strain on his mental linguistic capacity. English was painful enough to learn, there was no way Jim would be able to learn Vulcan through Standard material.

Jim opens the first lesson and begins reading.

Jim is rinsing plates from breakfast when the intercom buzzes. He perks up. “Spock, they’re here.” He hastily dries his hands off and rushes to the door where Spock is also approaching, carrying Halu securely against his chest. Jim opens the door and beams at Uhura and Bones. “Hey!”

“Move, we’re here to see the baby,” Uhura orders, brushing past him.

Jim sprawls back with an exaggerated motion. “Abuse to your subordinate,” he says in mock offense.

Uhura plops a substantially-sized covered dish into Jim’s arms and turns to coo at the baby. “Oh, they’re so cute.”

Jim is still sulking as Bones slings an arm over his shoulder. Spock allows Uhura to cradle Halu. “Thank you for your gift, Commander Uhura. Jim, say thank you.”

“Thank you for the cooking, Commander,” Jim repeats obediently. Under his breath, he adds, “The only reason I’m not mad is because I would’ve done the same thing.”

Uhura snorts. Spock closely monitors as Bones takes his turn holding Halu, looking with wonder at their eyes. “They’re so quiet,” he observes.

“Oh gods, definitely not. They do this mental crying thing that can be heard no matter how far away or deep in sleep you are. You can’t ignore it.”

“Sounds like someone I know.” Uhura looked pointedly at Jim.

“Commander,” Jim complains, biting back a smile. Uhura smirks.

“You’ll get used to it,” Bones promises. “Enjoy while it lasts. They’ll be all grown up before you know it.”

It’s a strange thought, especially with Jim not even knowing how long he’ll remain in Spock and Halu’s lives, but he knows Bones’ advice isn’t to be ignored. Uhura and Bones leave for their shift, and as Jim watches Spock walking around rocking Halu, he tries to commit the moment to his memory.

A strange sort of routine develops despite there being not much consistency at all.

Spock and Jim spend all their time taking care of Halu. Jim’s fear of holding Halu decreases as he becomes more comfortable carrying them around. He becomes bolder in his movements, and Halu responds favorably to Jim tossing them - Spock isn’t nearly as amused.

Halu wakes frequently during the night, waking Spock and Jim with their mental probing through the bonds. Spock tells Jim to go back to sleep, but Jim stays up while Spock nurses Halu. He remembers Spock admitting to feeling safer when Jim is alert and keeping guard, so he’s determined to do so.

Jim arranges a surprise dinner for the one-month milestone, and at the end of the meal he shows Spock the carefully frosted cake he had baked that afternoon. Spock is absolutely delighted. Jim makes sure to take lots of pictures of him sitting with Halu, and when he goes back through the photos, he finds himself unable to delete a single one.

Spock always tries to help with dishes after their meals, but Jim only lets him do it if Halu is taking a nap. One night Spock confides to Jim that he has very poor cooking skills and usually replicates his meals. Receiving home cooking has been a revelation for him, especially with Jim’s excellent cooking. Jim beams from the compliment.

Jim loses track of the number of baths, the number of times he’s changed Halu’s diaper and done the laundry. He uses his spare moments to study Vulcan, and he’s slowly beginning to follow some of the easier phrases Spock is saying.

Because Jim is with Halu every day, he doesn’t notice it at first, but one night he realizes Halu has been growing rapidly. They are more active when they are awake, squirming and kicking as they lie in their cot or on the baby mat. Jim is watching Halu in the living room while Spock is in the bathroom, and he notices Halu is trying to turn onto their belly.

Jim is charmed. He eases down to lie next to Halu and watch them. “Hi, Halu. What are you up to?”

Halu doesn't respond, determined at their task. Jim strokes Halu’s hair. “You trying to turn over, Halu? Is the ceiling not interesting enough for you anymore?” Jim squints up at the ceiling. Maybe Halu's got a point. He should invest in some decals or decorations or something.

Spock returns to the living room, and Jim beams up at him. “Hey, Spock.” Spock exhales a shaky breath, and Jim sits up, alert. “Spock?”

Spock blinks rapidly. “I am a little dizzy.”

“You should lie down.” Jim gets up to help Spock rest back on the couch. He spreads the blanket over Spock’s thin body. “Does it hurt anywhere? What’s going on?”

“I am not sure.” Spock’s eyes are closed and his breathing even.

“Baby, c’mere.” Jim lifts Halu into his arms and sits with them on the couch next to Spock, almost close enough to share their body heat. He strokes Spock’s knee, biting his lip. Halu toys with Jim’s chin, unaware of the atmosphere.

“I think the dizziness is better now,” Spock says a great deal of time later. He holds his arms out for Halu, and Jim lies Halu onto Spock’s chest.

“Let’s see how you feel tomorrow, okay?” Jim says, still anxious. Spock nods wordlessly.

Next morning, Spock is still weak and has a dull pallor to his skin. Jim presses his forehead to Spock’s, feeling the cooler Vulcan temperature against his skin. “You don’t feel like you have a fever,” Jim murmurs.

Spock blushes. “I am going to brush my teeth.” He locates his glasses and gets out of bed. Jim looks over at Halu. They’re still asleep, with a peaceful expression on their face. Jim resists the urge to disturb them and waits for Spock to come back.

The bathroom door opens and Jim stares in alarm. Spock’s entire body is trembling. And he looks absolutely exhausted. Spock approaches with slightly wobbling steps. Jim is on his feet in an instant. “Spock?”

Jim lunges forward as Spock collapses. “ _Spock!_ ” He’s not close enough to catch Spock before he falls, and Spock makes a pained noise in Jim’s embrace, clutching his wrist. Jim's heart is pounding. “Sweetheart. Say something, Spock.”

“I may have fractured my wrist,” Spock whispers.

“Aren't Vulcans supposed to be more resilient than a human? Spock, are you cold?”

“Cold?”

“You're shivering.” Spock is shivering violently, his hand visibly trembling where it’s cradling his wrist. Forcing down the panic rising in his throat, Jim helps Spock lie back on their bed before pressing the ship intercom button. “Contact medical bay. Bones?”

“McCoy here - Jim?”

Jim grits his teeth. “Bones, something's really wrong with Ambassador Spock. You need to get down here right now.”

Jim holds Halu as M'Benga examines Spock in their bedroom while Bones takes notes. Spock is still panting and shivering slightly. Halu's side of the bond flutters at Jim's fear, and Jim kisses their forehead as he struggles to rein in the helpless terror. It’s the first time he’s dared to try something like that, and Halu’s baby skin feels abnormally soft against his lips.

Spock's forearm and hand are in a stiff brace. He had fractured his wrist when he tried to catch himself as he fell.

“Your bones have become very brittle.” M'Benga adjusts a setting on the medicorder. “It’s very serious, Ambassador. You have eclampsia due to an acute calcium deficiency. All the calcium in your body is being drawn out due to your recent pregnancy and current breastfeeding.”

Jim has never been so worried in his life. “What should we do, Doctor?”

“If he still has the same symptoms in two hours, let us know. We’ll need to give him another injection.” M’Benga administers the hypospray. “In the meantime, we need to try and control the calcium deficiency. You eat a vegan diet like almost all other Vulcans, and that only serves to increase your risk.”

Bones shakes his head. “I would suggest _lafik_ , but I've already read your file and have learned you are severely allergic to any product that contains it. Of course you would be.”

Jim frowns. “ _Lafik_? What’s that?”

“A Vulcan plant. It's known to be frequently consumed during Vulcan post-pregnancy because of its high levels of calcium and protein. For now, we’ll look into some alternative plants together, but I doubt we’ll find anything with the calcium content of _lafik_.”

“And the child?” Spock asks.

M’Benga looks at his PADD for a long time. “I would advise you not to stop breastfeeding. The baby is still very vulnerable. We will try to supplement with artificial milk from a bottle if we can to assist with your condition, but I suspect Halu will not accept it. Vulcan babies are known for struggling with bottles.” As he speaks, he prepares formula in a bottle.

Spock holds his arms out for Halu. “I will do it.” Gods, even when he’s shivering and in pain, he’s trying to stay strong for Halu’s sake. Jim glances at M’Benga, who gives him a tiny nod. Jim gives Halu back to Spock and sits close by, watching Bones teach Spock how to hold the bottle.

Spock and Bones keep patiently trying, but Halu is having difficulty feeding from it. M’Benga shakes his head. “Not unexpected, but not a good sign. We’ll try replacing the teat with a different shape, but usually Vulcan babies have the most luck with that one.”

After replacing the bottle, M’Benga has Spock guide Halu to suck on his breast before quickly replacing it with the bottle. Halu turns their head away with a faint sound. Spock looks up from Halu. “Jim, why don’t you try.”

“Oh.” Jim swallows. “Okay.” He accepts Halu and allows M’Benga to guide his grip on the bottle in a slightly different position. Halu hesitates for a moment, and Jim waits with held breath as he feels Halu probing his mind.

Halu spits out the teat and whines. Jim sets the bottle down to soothe them. “It’s okay, Halu,” he murmurs as Halu continues to fuss. “It’s alright.”

Bones shakes his head. “It could take weeks of repeated exposure before they feed from a bottle, and even then the touch telepathy is an inhibiting factor.”

Halu is still upset, twisting their head about. The bond pulses between them. Jim lays Halu in Spock’s embrace, and Spock cradles them to his exposed nipple. Halu latches immediately and Spock adjusts his hold on Halu as they nurse, favoring his arm not in a brace. Jim sees the gesture and feels absolutely terrible for not noticing Spock’s ailment earlier. Jim’s the one responsible for cooking. He should’ve researched more carefully on Vulcan post-pregnancy.

Bones closes the medicorder. “How are you feeling, Ambassador?”

“My condition has improved immensely.” Spock does look a lot better. “The injection worked instantly.”

“That’s good. That’s really good, actually. Why don’t you two get some rest, and we’ll talk more about diet and what needs to be done tonight when both of you are in better condition. It’s a lot to discuss. Since the hypo is taking effect, we should be safe for a while.”

M’Benga and Bones arrange a time to meet them before leaving. Jim sits back next to Spock and watches him nurse Halu. Spock’s gaze is distant. “Perhaps I should adjust my diet accordingly due to this development. I am Vulcan, but I am also half-human. This strain on my body is unsustainable.”

“What would you prefer?”

Spock sighs. “I believe you already know the answer to that.”

Jim does. He’s lived with Spock long enough to know Spock is a notoriously picky eater despite eating what he has been served without complaint. “I'll do some research. If nothing is working, we’ll get that injection and consider temporarily shifting to a vegetarian diet. We'll get through this, Spock, I promise.”

Spock leans further back into the pillows. “Yes. I hope so as well, Jim.”

Halu continues to reject the bottle despite their best efforts. Jim keeps trying patiently, having studied on the best windows of opportunity with Bones and M’Benga. Spock had stopped trying a while ago. It must be something to do with how he can actually read Halu’s mental bond. Not to mention the only person benefiting from Halu switching to the bottle would be Spock himself. Of course the bastard would be willing to sacrifice himself like that.

Jim begins to watch Spock and Halu more carefully. He’s gathered the foods M'Benga and Bones recommended along with food he had found through research of his own. After confirming Spock is not allergic to the alternative groceries, Jim learns how to cook them. The only thing Jim recognizes is the tofu and galangal. All the other grocery items are completely foreign to him.

It’s worth learning to make the new dishes, though, when Jim sees Spock enjoying the food and moving around with more energy. Spock keeps receiving supplemental injections along with the new diet, and the spasms and shivering are diminishing.

Jim’s paternity leave ends, so he has to go back to his work as a science officer. Jim is hesitant to leave Spock alone for such long hours when he’s in such a fragile condition, so he requests for shortened hours. They are approved immediately, so every night Jim has time to come back to their room, make dinner and play a little with Halu.

One night Halu keeps fussing every time they’re put in bed, and Spock and Jim can’t figure out what’s wrong. Halu is perfectly content to be held or played with, so Spock and Jim resign to a sleepless night. Jim lies next to Halu on the mat, watching them trying to turn onto their tummy again. “Spock, look.”

“I am looking.” Spock eases next to Jim and murmurs something. The only word Jim catches is ' _you'._

With a great heave, Halu stretches their arm out, further and further, and then - Halu's flipped over to rest on their stomach. Jim gasps. “Oh, gods. You did it, Halu! Yes, you did.” Jim tilts his head back and laughs. Halu looks slightly confused, as if wondering who had turned the world upside down. Their head is too heavy to support, and it rests on the mat. Jim exchanges eye contact with Spock, and his exhausted eyes are brimming with happiness.

Jim smiles more brightly and lifts Halu in his arms. “You did such a good job, Halu. Yes, you did.” Jim kisses the top of their sweet smelling head, letting them rest against his shoulder. It seems like they're getting sleepier. Jim looks up and realizes Spock is beginning to nod off, too. “Spock, let's go to sleep.”

Spock doesn't move. The dark brace on his wrist contrasts with the color of the mat. Jim gets up first and lays Halu in their cot. He watches closely, but Halu doesn't wake up again. Jim swiftly exits the bedroom and goes back to where Spock is lightly dozing on the ground. He gathers the lightweight Vulcan in his arms and carries him into their bedroom.

_Jim?_

Jim opens his eyes. He's in bed and it's still not time to wake up for his shift. Jim rubs his eyes and turns his head on the pillow, then freezes when he realizes Spock is whimpering. “Spock?” Jim gently touches Spock's shoulder, and when he doesn't respond, he gently shakes him.

A strangled cry escapes Spock's lips before he falls silent. “Halu,” he says in a rough voice.

Jim checks his mental bond, and feels it healthy and strong as ever. He sits up to check on Halu in their cot. “They're alright, Spock. They're asleep. It's been less than two hours since we got into bed.”

Spock's breath shudders. “Am I still dreaming?”

“No, definitely awake now.” Jim inches closer to Spock.

“Jim, Halu -” Spock struggles to form words. “I watched them stop breathing, and then you were separated from me, you transferred to another ship and -”

“Just a dream,” Jim repeats, stroking Spock’s hair. “You and Halu are safe, I'm not going anywhere. I’ve got you two.”

Spock reaches out and grasps Jim's wrist. Jim doesn't know if the movement is intentional, but the leaked thoughts must almost certainly be an accident, they're so private and full of tragedy. Flickers of memories pass between them, the grief of losing so many people Spock loved - his old crew members dying of old age, the catastrophic events destroying Vulcan from the inside out. His agony in labor and the stillborn children. Halu’s breathing had been faint, barely audible, and Spock couldn’t quell his bleeding. If Doctor McCoy and the _Enterprise_ crew had not intervened, they may not have survived.

Jim lies back down and Spock buries himself into Jim's open embrace. Spock cries into Jim's shoulder, and Jim's getting teary as well. He clings to Spock and doesn't let go.

Jim wakes up the next morning alone, and Spock and Halu aren't in the bedroom. Jim checks the bond, and it seems Halu is awake and in a good mood.

After brushing his teeth, Jim makes his way out of the bedroom and sees Spock with Halu on the couch. Halu is cradled in his good arm, with the braced hand splayed over the baby's back for additional support. Spock looks up and his face brightens. “Good morning, Jim.”

“Good morning.” Jim sits next to Spock and finds himself wrapping his arms around Spock again. He kisses Halu’s head. “ _Good morning,_ Halu,” he says in Vulcan.

Spock hums and leans into Jim’s hug.

It’s the day for Halu to get their immunizations. Jim and Spock bring them to the medical bay where Bones is waiting for them. Jim can’t help noticing how effortless Bones is with the baby, even as he’s doing a task that feels unpleasant for them. He finishes the hypos quickly and coos over Halu, telling them how much they’ve grown.

Spock is smiling, his body turned away from Jim. “They are favorable towards you, Doctor.”

“Halu likes me more,” Jim interjects under his breath.

Halu is giggling as Bones makes faces at them, and Spock suddenly feels too far away despite sitting next to Jim. Jim knows he’s pouting, but he can’t stop.

Bones calms down. “Halu’s putting on weight at a healthy rate, it’s good to see. Okay, Ambassador. Let’s check your wrist and calcium levels.”

Jim takes Halu from Bones and watches Spock sit on the examination bench. Bones’ hands are gentle on Spock’s outstretched arm, grazing way too close to Spock’s hands and fingers.

Bones’ voice startles Jim out of his thoughts. “I’m just the innocent doctor, Jim, no need to stare daggers.”

Jim protests. “Me?” Bones huffs out a laugh and drops the conversation, but Spock stays focused on Jim, and he feels his face heat up in embarrassment.

The test results show Spock’s levels are still quite low, but they are much better than before. His wrist is fully healed. Jim and Spock exit the medical bay with Jim still carrying Halu. “Jim,” Spock says, amused. “It is illogical to be jealous, my dear.”

“I’m not jealous,” Jim lies.

“You and I have been living together for two months, Jim. We have been legally married for the same amount of time.”

Jim mumbles and shifts Halu to his other shoulder. Bones had warned them Halu might get sleepy rapidly, and sure enough Halu is already tired, drooling onto his shoulder. Spock sighs. “Let’s go home.”

Jim and Spock return to their quarters and Jim tucks Halu into their cot. Spock has removed his outer robe and he sits on the bed nearby. Jim is still feeling discontent as he joins him. He pulls Spock back so his back is flush with Jim’s chest. Jim’s hands move down to stroke Spock’s bare thighs.

Spock is flushing from his ears down to his chest. “Jim, if this is influenced by the events of today -”

“Maybe I just wanna touch you,” Jim challenges, running his hands up the length of Spock’s sides. A giggle escapes him and Jim drinks in the delectable sound.

“Jim,” Spock chides gently. “You’ll wake the child.”

“You’re the one making noise, sweetheart. Look, Halu’s sleeping just fine.” Halu is still dozing in uninterrupted slumber. Jim’s hands wander back to Spock’s thighs and stomach, pausing over the cellulite dimples. Spock’s posture changes. “Do they hurt?” Jim asks.

Spock shakes his head.“They are merely visual imperfections due to the result of the pregnancy, but - I find them rather unappealing.”

Jim carefully massages Spock’s inner thighs, aware of every hitch in Spock’s breath. “Is that alright?”

Jim can almost hear Spock’s blush in his reply. “This is very nice.”

“There’s cream for these dimples, isn’t there? Wait here. I’ll get some.” Jim finds a jar of cellulite cream he had replicated some time ago when they had first moved into the house, and he sits behind Spock again. He takes a little of the smooth feeling cream and firmly rubs the affected spots, working the medication in. Spock leans further and further back into Jim’s chest. Jim finds himself reaching out to brush back a strand of hair on Spock’s forehead. His eyes slide shut and he nearly imperceptibly leans into the touch. His lips are full and so close, tantalizingly close.

Jim reluctantly draws back and replaces the lid. “We can try the massages daily, if you don’t mind. I think if we do, the marks will become less noticeable over time.”

Spock smiles faintly at Jim. “I don’t mind at all.” Jim quells the triumphant grin teasing at his own lips.


	3. Chapter 3

A month passes. Shore leave arrives, and the destination is New Vulcan. Jim stares at the notification of a message from Captain Spock. He opens it and reads. “Spock?”

“Yes, Jim.” Spock is dressing in his robes.

Jim holds the comm up at him. “We’re going with the captain for shore leave? To Ambassador Sarek’s residence?”

Spock nods, checking the fit of the robe in the mirror. He looks gorgeous. “We are already acquainted. They have expressed curiosity in meeting our child.”

Jim had no clue. Halu pokes him through the bond, so Jim picks them up from their cot. “Will it be okay,” Jim worries aloud.

Spock raises an eyebrow at Jim. “What do you mean?”

“Uh. Um.” Amanda’s alright, but Jim’s memory of Sarek had been a stoic, callous man with a strange relationship with his son. He doesn’t know if Sarek was like that in his Spock's universe, or if it had been another relationship entirely. If Sarek is somehow dismissive of Halu, Jim might genuinely get angry. Or would Sarek be weirded out that Spock is so much older, yet Halu is three decades younger than his own son - who is also Spock. Jim doesn’t know enough about Vulcan culture to gauge what his reaction might be.

“We didn’t exactly endear ourselves to the Vulcan Council last time we were on New Vulcan,” Jim finally says. “Isn’t Sarek involved with them?”

“They have no legal ground to take Halu. Captain Spock and Starfleet will protect us. Stop worrying and change into your clothing,” Spock says with a hint of laughter in his voice.

“Yes, hon.” Jim hands Halu to Spock and obediently goes to change, but the worries persist. He shoulders the bag full of Halu's stuff and waits for Spock to put Halu in the baby carrier. The bag also contains Halu’s bottles, which thankfully Halu has adjusted to using, although there are still times when Halu refuses to feed from them. “Baby’s first outing. Are you excited?”

The bond pulses in response. Spock kisses Halu and lifts the carrier with ease. “Let’s depart.”

Spock and Jim had decided to leave earlier in the morning when there would be less suspicious eyes of the crew on them and Halu. They get into their requested shuttlecraft with Captain Spock and head to New Vulcan together. The entire time, the captain keeps a wary eye on Halu and everyone walking by, as if there was a chance they would interfere and he needed to be ready to protect Halu.

Amanda greets them eagerly at the door. The house smells like hot grains and spices. “How was your trip? Not too tiring? Oh, they’re gorgeous!” Amanda beams at Halu, who had fallen asleep during the trip and is cradled in Spock’s arms. Sarek is right behind Amanda, and he greets them formally but with a glint of interest in his eyes.

Jim gratefully accepts Amanda’s offer to help carry the baby bag and carrier inside as he struggles to remove his shoes. Spock has already removed his shoes and placed them on the rack. Amanda kisses Captain Spock’s cheek. “Food is waiting for you all, hurry inside.” Jim looks around the neat interior of the hot Vulcan home. There’s an adorable picture of Captain Spock as a kid in the hallway. Would Halu look something like that someday?

“Sit down,” Sarek says, gesturing to the table. It is full of food, laid out in a lavish presentation.

Jim urges Spock, “You eat first, I’ll watch Halu.”

“Thank you, Jim.” Spock brushes the back of Jim’s hand with his own and goes to sit at the table next to Captain Spock. “The food all looks wonderful, Amanda.”

Jim watches Halu slowly waking up, yawning and squirming as the others eat.

“You eat so well. Have some more of the boiled _fori_ ,” Amanda urges.

Spock holds his bowl out as Amanda serves him. “Thank you, Amanda.”

Jim feels relief and a sting of envy, relief that Spock is eating so well, envy that it couldn’t be his own food to encourage Spock’s appetite. He’s gonna have to ask Amanda for the recipes.

Less than ten minutes later, Sarek rises from the dining table. Amanda shakes her head. “Sarek, you barely ate.”

“I am finished.” Sarek slips over to Jim and shoos him towards the dinner table. Jim reluctantly gets up, leaving Halu with Sarek. “Halu,” Sarek says with delight. “Hello, Halu.”

Halu doesn’t respond, and Sarek begins making cute noises to get a reaction from Halu. Jim swears he can see the captain’s eye twitching. Amanda just looks incredibly amused.

“I didn’t know Vulcans baby talk,” Jim says under his breath.

Spock chews and swallows. “Do I not count?”

“You're my husband. It's different.” Jim finally tears his gaze from the visual of Sarek with the baby to taste Amanda's soup. He nearly lets out an indecent moan, it's so flavorful and bursting with refreshing spices. Spock looks longingly at the small rice balls on Jim’s plate, so Jim feeds him one and is pleased to see the satisfied look on Spock’s face.

Jim starts in on a second serving as Spock thanks Amanda for the cooking and goes to Sarek and Halu. Sarek has Halu carefully cradled in his arms, and he’s still acting cute. Captain Spock is making passive-aggressive comments directed at Sarek, and Sarek ignores his son as usual.

Amanda looks deliberately at Spock before looking back at Jim. She speaks under her breath. “Any appetite problems?”

“Yeah,” Jim admits. “Not as much these days, but I was worried for a while.”

“Try a combination of hot drink with cool or cooled food. Spock is more likely to eat more if the food is not too hot. Also, this is a gift for you both.” Amanda brings Jim a spiral notebook and winks.

Jim flips through the synthesized paper pages and realizes they are full of writing, detailing how to prepare the dishes Amanda had made, along with several other recipes. The first page has _Spock’s favorites_ written in Vulcan. Jim’s smile broadens. “Thank you so much.”

Amanda smooths the back of Jim’s head before turning to Captain Spock to offer him more water. Her touch is a comforting gesture.

Jim, Spock and Halu use Spock’s childhood bedroom because it has the most amount of space. Amanda and Spock occupy the main bedroom’s two beds, and Sarek volunteers to sleep on the couch bed in the living room. He’s planning on extending the house space for next time when there are guests.

Amanda and Sarek insist on babysitting Halu, which gives Spock and Jim free time that isn’t preoccupied with caring for Halu. It’s awkward at first. They have no clue what to do.

Jim expresses curiosity in visiting the nearby sand dunes with a reservation space for rare desert flowers, so they make a day trip together to see the beautiful plants. They walk with a visible gap between them, looking around at the flourishing plants. Then Spock mentions an anecdote about one of the strange Vulcan cactuses, and Jim laughs loudly, startling the other Vulcans. The initial barrier between them breaks, and they talk easily, with Jim mentioning what the plants remind him of and Spock sharing knowledge about each of them.

The rest of shore leave passes like that, relaxing and visiting new experiences. Jim is secretly glad to return to the _Enterprise_ , though. He really appreciated Amanda and Sarek, but he was looking forward to being with Halu and his job again.

Jim had also missed giving Spock massages. They had been put on halt while Jim and Spock were away from the safety of their bedroom.

Jim massages Spock’s thighs and stomach with the cellulite cream now, and he feels Spock rest against him. Halu is playing by themself in their cot next to the bed. Jim blinks at a sharp pulse in his mind. “What’s that?”

Spock’s face falls. “Halu is seeking the connection with their siblings. They had all formed bonds before birth. You may not have sensed them at first, because it takes a psi-sensitive user to register the call. Your bond is growing stronger, hence why you can hear Halu better. As Halu forgets, the searching will cease.”

“Oh.” Jim pauses in his ministrations to hug Spock and breathe softly into his shoulder.

Spock’s voice breaks. “I could feel when they stopped moving inside of me, Jim. I never knew fear like that until that moment. I’m scared of anything happening to Halu, whether it is within my ability to save them or not.”

Jim understands completely. Every time Halu reaches for him in his mind or makes an unhappy noise, Jim’s nervousness always spikes. How much more difficult must it be for Spock, feeling the dead bonds with his other children?

Spock seems reluctant to move away, so for the first time Jim and Spock fall asleep in their bed touching each other. Jim wakes up with Spock still in his arms and feels the most curious happiness warming him from the inside out.

Now that Halu can flip onto their stomach and lift their head, they often try to crawl forward, but more often than not just end up sprawled and inching around. It’s clear every new movement takes a great deal of effort, but Halu takes it in stride. Halu enjoys it most when Jim is holding them though, bouncing them up and down as they try to hop with their tiny legs. Each week, Halu gets stronger and moves around longer and farther.

Jim and Spock have just finished lunch, and Jim is playing with Halu a little before he has to go back to shift. “Jim, you have a message,” Spock observes.

“Thanks, sweetheart.” Jim hands Halu to him and grabs for his comm. Then he glares. “Ah, hell.”

Spock blinks up from where he is playing with Halu on the mat. “Something wrong?”

“My mom texted. She's coming to visit.”

Spock hesitates. “This is not favorable? Because of me?”

“It's her problem whether she accepts you or not. You're mine, and so is Halu.” Jim tosses aside the comm. “She’s so nosy and always getting into things I’d rather she not. She has no respect for privacy.”

Spock chuckles. “It will be alright. We shall handle her together.”

Jim blows out a breath and wraps his arm around Spock’s middle. “Yeah. At least you’ll be there with me.”

That night, Spock receives an unexpected message. Vulcan-Romulan negotiations are breaking down, and there are people that blame Spock for the development. As a result, he’s been summoned to a hearing on New Vulcan.

Jim is absolutely enraged. Spock tries to calm him down. “Sarek voted against the hearing, but it was the minority vote.”

“Damn it all, Spock, you don’t owe those Vulcans anything. Don’t let them turn you into a scapegoat. Should we go with you?”

“Under no circumstances will you join me. You will stay onboard the ship and take care of Halu.”

Spock looks so scared, but he’s been gathering notes and preparing data. His flight is scheduled for tomorrow, and he doesn’t know when he’ll be back. He tries to stay encouraging. “It should not take long. Even if they were to find me guilty, the consequences should not inhibit our daily life.” Jim can’t ignore the tremor in his voice. Spock and Jim finish dinner and put the dishes into the cycler. “You and Halu will be fine. I can attempt to encourage Halu to feed through our mental bond.”

During their nighttime massage, Jim smooths his hands over Spock’s fading dimples, not really massaging so much as caressing his skin. Spock doesn't comment on it. Neither of them get much sleep that night.

Morning arrives, and Jim holds Halu as they watch Spock prepare to get into the shuttlecraft. Jim sighs. “I still can’t believe you’re going through with this, hon.”

“I will return soon.” Spock kisses Jim’s temple, then Halu’s.

“Bye.” Jim’s voice is mournful.

“Have a good time with your mother,” Spock offers.

Jim rolls his eyes. “A good time would be if she never showed up to begin with.”

Winona stares from the transporter pad. “You’re holding a baby.”

Jim huffs. “Thank you for stating the obvious.”

“Why wasn’t I informed of this?” Winona strides closer and her gaze flickers over Halu’s ears. “What happened?”

Jim bites his lip. “So, uh. Spock and I are married? And this is his baby.”

Winona splutters. “You had a kid with _Spock_? The hell? I didn’t think he’d be the insubordinate type, the fuck?”

“Oh, no, no no oh gods, not Captain Spock. There’s another Spock, from another reality that came through a black hole. He’s an ambassador.”

“You expect me to believe that?” Winona says with raised eyebrows. She gestures for Jim to hand Halu over, and something inside Jim protests seeing how willingly Halu goes into Winona’s arms. Jim fumbles for his comm and shows Winona the lock screen. It’s a pristine candid shot of Spock holding Halu outside. Both have the same faint grimace from the light wind blowing at their floofy hair. It melts Jim’s heart every time he looks at it.

“He’s older than me,” Winona observes flatly.

Jim shrugs. “He’s older than a lot of people we know.”

“Jim,” Winona says in that _what the fuck have you gotten yourself into now_ tone of voice. Jim just shrugs exaggeratedly. Winona sighs. “Well, are you two at least getting along?”

“Something along those lines.” Jim hadn’t expected his mother to handle this as well as she’s handling it. It’s a nice win.

Winona swings Halu into her grip and Halu coos. “You're lucky you're cute. Gonna be a troublemaker like your papa, kiddo?”

“Eeh,” says Halu.

“Yeh,” Winona agrees. “I can tell.” Jim untenses when Winona finally holds Halu in a more secure grasp. “I’m hungry. Let’s eat.” Winona marches off in the direction of the mess hall, already familiar with the layout of Starfleet flagships. Jim exhales and trails after her and Halu.

The visit ends up going smoothly. Jim is preoccupied with worry for Spock, but Winona is civil for the most part and doesn’t give Jim too much extra stress. Mostly.

“So, I looked up Ambassador Spock on the news,” Winona announces during a random meal in Jim and Spock’s quarters. “They’ve had to hire security guards for him. For all Vulcans claim to be unfeeling robots, they’re pretty bad at hiding their emotions. Admiral Pike is involved now.”

Jim grips Halu, his own food forgotten. He really doesn’t need the reminder that Spock is isolated, out of Jim’s reach and surrounded by hostile Vulcans and Romulans.

Winona’s eyebrows raise. “You really care about that old Vulcan.”

“Of course I do.”

“And here I thought your marriage was some sorta scheme due to circumstances I didn’t know about.”

Jim makes a noise. “Okay, yeah, it did start out that way. But now -” He doesn’t finish the sentence.

Winona looks impressed. “Of all the people to tie you down, I didn’t think it would be some old Vulcan.” Jim doesn’t respond, and Winona holds her hands out. “I’m done. Hand me the baby and eat your food, kid.”

Jim quickly scarfs down the rest of his food before taking Halu back. “Bathtime, then bed for us.”

Winona nods agreeably. “I’ve had my fun. Nice crew here, Jim. I’ll see you in another year or so. Bye, Halu.”

Jim watches Winona walk out the door and shakes his head. “Some goodbye. At least she likes you.”

Jim and Halu get ready to sleep with a moderate amount of struggle. Jim places Halu in the cot and lies down in the spot where Spock usually sleeps.

“Mm.” Halu wriggles. “Sah.”

Jim’s heart clenches. “ _Sa’mekh_ , Halu?”

“Sah.”

Jim pats Halu’s belly. “ _Sa’mekh_ isn’t here, baby. He’ll be back soon.” Jim frowns. “I hope.”

Another day passes, then another. Jim avoids the news like a plague after Winona’s shocking report. He doesn’t want to see pictures or those articles, commentary full of vitriol and hate. Jim’s friends stop by occasionally to check on Jim. First Officer Uhura offers to keep Jim informed in a less stressful manner, which Jim declines politely. He’ll hear from Spock himself.

The day of the hearing arrives, and Jim tries to keep his focus on taking care of Halu. While Halu takes a nap, Jim cleans the house, frequently diverted from his task to look at Halu.

He misses Spock so much.

Jim is thankful that Halu's feeding is going relatively well, and then his mood becomes even better when he finally receives his first comm message from Spock. Jim finishes burping Halu before replying to the text. He can't tell if Spock is optimistic about the hearing or not. The legislative committee is currently deliberating over Spock's situation.

The rest of that day drags slowly. Jim and Halu get ready for bed, and there's still nothing. Jim is tempted to check the news, but he’s afraid of what he might see.

It’s four in the morning when Jim gets a message on his comm. He nearly leaps to his feet.

Spock is free. He’s leaving now.

The reporters are suspicious where Spock is going, but Spock is able to keep his destination and family undisclosed. Jim couldn’t be happier. He can barely sleep the rest of the night, he’s so excited.

Late in the afternoon the next day, Spock lets Jim know he is almost at the _Enterprise._ Jim takes Halu with him to wait in the transporter room. He’s carrying Halu in a new baby carrier slung around his shoulders and waist. Halu is responding to Jim’s excitement, wriggling with delight.

The transporter chief looks up at Captain Spock. “The ambassador is cleared to board.”

Jim suddenly feels incredibly nervous, but he refuses to pace. The familiar sounds of the transporter beam fire up, and Spock materializes in light and shimmering particles. He’s back safely. Jim’s face breaks out in a helpless smile. “Sweetheart.”

Spock steps down and kisses Jim directly on the lips. He nuzzles Halu before tilting his head to look at the baby carrier. “This is a curious contraption.”

Jim laughs. He can’t form coherent thoughts, he’s so relieved Spock is back with him and Halu on the ship again.

Spock and the captain greet each other before the captain returns to the bridge. Jim and Spock return to their room nearly pressed to one another. Jim closes the door and Spock takes Halu from the baby carrier. He holds them close, humming as Halu reaches for his face. “ _I missed you too, my dear._ ” Spock nuzzles Halu with another kiss. “Did you give Jim a difficult time?”

“Thankfully not,” Jim chortles. “I was having a hard enough time worrying about you.”

Spock shakes his head and turns away to hide a faint blush. Jim watches him walk off in amusement. “Did you eat yet, Spock?”

“I have not, no.”

Jim apologizes, “I wasn’t able to cook something, I was preoccupied with waiting for you.”

“That’s fine, Jim. We can reheat something from the fridge.”

So they end up eating leftovers together, and they’re the best leftovers Jim has ever eaten. Spock seems content to hold Halu so Jim leaves him alone. He spends the entire meal watching Spock beaming at Halu, and Jim can’t look away.

They prepare to sleep soon after. Spock is already waiting for Jim in bed with the jar of cellulite cream near his leg. Halu hasn’t fallen asleep yet, but they play by themself in their cot. Jim and Spock arrange themselves so that Jim is sitting with Spock leaning back against his chest as usual.

Spock speaks up. “Thank you for taking care of Halu by yourself, Jim. It was an unexpected occurrence and you handled it magnificently.”

Jim rests his hands around Spock’s torso and presses his face to Spock’s shoulder. “You were so brave out there on your own.”

Spock’s voice lowers as he confesses, “I experienced great trepidation the entire trip.”

“What happened out there?”

“I know I am guilty but I pleaded ‘not guilty’, or else I may have never been able to be reunited with you and Halu again.”

“You're not guilty,” Jim says with exasperation. He grabs Spock’s hands, half expecting him to shy away, but he doesn’t. “They charged you ‘not guilty’ in the end because logically you were never guilty to begin with. Spock, you’re talking about a situation that you will always be emotionally compromised for when reflecting on it. You sitting here with me and Halu is proof that none of this is your fault, it’s that bastard Nero’s. Stop finding excuses to blame yourself.”

Spock is silent for a long time. “It is not so simple.”

Jim wants to keep arguing, but he settles for brushing his fingertips over Spock’s hands. “You were involved with them in your reality, weren’t you? The Romulans.”

“Yes.” Spock pauses. “My work there as an ambassador was closely intertwined with the Vulcan-Romulan negotiations. One day I learned the Romulan sun of my reality was dying, and I promised to assist the Romulans to save their planet from destruction. I was working with many scientists aboard their hardiest spacecraft to determine a solution that would stabilize the star.”

Spock is silent for a moment. “At that time when we were isolated in space, I was unfortunate enough to enter the pon farr cycle, the Vulcan body’s time of mating. It is a dire situation for a Vulcan without a mate. I was desperate, and the Romulans needed to keep me alive.”

Jim’s blood goes cold. “You could’ve died?” Spock dips his head. Jim holds his palm over Spock’s heart. “How did you survive?”

“The Romulans’ doctor. He was the only one to show me kindness aboard the vessel. We spoke infrequently, but he was the only one I shared a non-professional discussion with. He was likely the one to show me mercy and assist me.” Spock pauses. “That, or the captain forced him to mate with me. I will never know which it was. I do not know what happened to him when I woke from blood fever.”

“He went missing?”

“Yes. I could not find him afterwards, and then the supernova happened and I was subjected to Nero’s wrath. I suspect I brought harm upon the doctor due to my madness.”

“You can’t know that,” Jim whispers. He kisses Spock’s neck. “It was out of your control. You can’t blame yourself.”

“Perhaps not. But I will never forget nor be able to stop blaming myself for his disappearance.” Spock’s breath trembles.

Jim strokes Spock, encouraging him to lie down next to him. Now that Spock is back at his side, Jim realizes how much he had missed him. It’s a lot more than he’d realized.

The thought weighs heavy on Jim the next morning, but if Spock’s noticed, he doesn’t point it out. Jim leaves for work watching Spock coo over Halu.

The day goes by quickly, and before he knows it, Jim is rushing back home to Spock and Halu. He has a recipe he’s been preparing overnight for, and he’s excited to prepare it. It’s one of the dishes from Amanda’s cookbook gift. Spock welcomes him back, warning him not to wake the baby.

“I predict they will wake shortly. Do you require help preparing the food?” Spock asks, despite knowing Jim will decline his assistance.

“There’s not much left to do, promise,” Jim assures him. “It’ll be ready soon. You watch Halu.”

Jim goes into the kitchen and quickly prepares dinner. He can hear Halu waking up and Spock talking to them in Vulcan. Jim dishes two servings of food and sets up the table before peering out to the main room. He sees Spock holding Halu in his lap and chuckling softly. “Sa,” Halu says.

“ _Sa’mehk_ , Halu.”

Halu babbles. “Sasa.”

“ _Sa’mekh_ ,” Spock says patiently.

“Sah.”

Jim leans against the door frame. His chest is constricting so much from affection, he’s nearly in pain. With sudden clarity, Jim realizes he’s fallen hopelessly in love with them both. He wants to remain as Spock’s husband, and he wants to stay as a father to Halu. He can’t imagine a life without either of them.

“Food is ready, Spock.”

“I will be there soon,” Spock says with his eyes still focused on Halu. Jim smiles as he waits for Spock to carry Halu over, but his thoughts continue to swirl in restless agitation.

Nighttime arrives. Halu’s been put into their cot, already fast asleep. Jim’s touch lingers over Spock’s body, wondering if Spock can sense the difference in his absentminded caresses. When he finishes the massage, Spock stretches and strokes a hand down Jim’s back before drawing back. “Goodnight Jim.”

Jim reaches his arm out before Spock can lie down. “Spock, I want to be bonded with you.”

Spock’s breathing flutters. Jim presses a finger to Spock’s lips before any doubts or misgivings can be voiced. “Meld with me. You’ll see my intentions are true.” He draws Spock’s hand to his face.

Spock looks faintly bewildered, confused and wary, but his expression shifts and he concentrates on the meld. It feels like a tingle at the edges of Jim’s consciousness, rich and complex after being accustomed to Halu’s simple mental probing for so long. It is the same fiery warmth Jim had experienced on Delta Vega, flooding Jim with emotions he could not possibly fathom otherwise. Jim keeps his eyes focused on Spock’s face, watching his features twist as he slips further and further into Jim’s mind. “Jim,” Spock says, his voice breaking.

Jim kisses Spock and revels in the feeling of being kissed back. “I don’t know when it happened. It just did.”

“I, too, realized I was gradually falling for you.” Spock hesitates. “Perhaps it is too soon. It has only been a couple months since our union. A mating bond is not a decision to be taken lightly. Reversing it will come at a great cost.”

“Why delay what we know we need?” Jim tugs at Spock. “Besides, I know I’m never giving you and Halu to someone else, there’s no way in hell.” Spock’s eyes darken and Jim smirks. “You like that, sweetheart?” His grip on Spock becomes even more possessive, and Spock whines into the touch. “Do it. Claim me.”

Spock’s hand finds Jim’s meld points. “This is - usually a long-anticipated occasion with a complicated ceremony and hours of tradition, even when arranged at youth.”

“I told you already, Spock. I don’t need anything elaborate. You’re more than enough.”

“I feel the same,” Spock whispers, and Jim feels Spock slot into his mind. It’s nothing and exactly like the torrential bond on Delta Vega. New sensations burst and faded ones sharpen into coherent thought. It’s like Jim had been looking at Spock through a distorted lens, not properly seeing any color or shape. Now everything is clear as crystal, and Jim _knows_ who Spock is, feeling every fierce desire to protect and cherish.

“Jim,” Spock breathes. “Your mind - it’s marvelous.” Spock has shifted to sit in Jim’s lap, his thighs wrapped around Jim’s torso.

“I want to touch you,” Jim whispers, gripping Spock’s hips. “Please.”

Spock shifts in Jim’s lap with exquisite pressure. “Yes.”

They take the sleeping Halu into the seldom used nursery room and set up the baby monitor next to the cot. Spock practically shoves Jim back into their bedroom and closes the door. Jim lavishes kisses to Spock’s lips, tasting his parted mouth. As Spock angles his face deeper, Jim undoes his robe and pushes him down to the mattress. “Your chest hair’s growing back,” Jim observes. He teases a fingertip through the fuzz.

Spock blushes. “It is an indication that Halu will be ready to transition to eating solid foods soon.”

Jim kisses Spock’s collarbone and listens to him moan softly. He’s so sensitive everywhere, Jim knows from their daily massages. He looks so beautiful responding to Jim’s caresses. Jim’s hand slips down between Spock’s open thighs under the band of his underwear, and Spock spreads his knees wider. Jim pauses. “Are you using birth control?”

Spock blinks. “No.”

“If we’re having sex, we should find some protection. Or you can fuck me. We can’t be too careful.”

“Is that what you think?” Spock tilts his chin back, his voice thoughtful. “I think our child would be very beautiful. A younger sibling would be nice for Halu.”

Jim can only think about how much Spock suffered because of his pregnancy. Labor pains, bleeding, broken bones and fatigue. He presses his forehead to Spock’s. “I'm happy that you're healthy and well, and so is Halu. I couldn't ask for more.” The dimple appears on Spock’s cheek and he kisses Jim again.

As Jim tugs at Spock’s underwear, he senses it - he knows Spock has sensed it too, and they both leap to their feet before the baby monitor crackles to alert them.

“Halu,” Spock says, entering the nursery and scooping the fussing baby into his arms.

Jim kisses Halu’s cheek. “It’s okay, Halu. Did you want some attention, baby?” He kisses Halu again and feels their end of the bond calming down. The cries gradually go quiet and Halu stares up at them. Spock and Jim look at each other, half-dressed and hair mussed. They laugh simultaneously.

Spock leans on Jim’s shoulder with a grateful smile and Jim presses a lingering kiss to Spock’s temple. There’s no rush. Jim’s never felt happier than in this moment, and he knows his bondmate feels the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I appreciate all kudos and comments, especially emoji spam ✨✨✨


End file.
